Depression: Me, myself and I

More than words

“The mind is a Battleground and we must win that battle every day”. A quote that perfectly summarise what happens when the depression comes knock on our doors.

I had to make a real page about my depression. Not because I think it was worse than anyone else’s but because it lasted so long, was so deep and that I never thought I’d ever come out of it that I strongly believe many of you guys can relate to it and understand that there is hope for every single of you.

First, I am not saying that this isn’t a battle when the happy days are there but it’s much easier to fight when we feel great. Because, well, we feel great 😀

We all have ups and downs and thinking about, it is a great thing. Imagine always living in the ups…we would end up not appreciating them anymore. We would totally blunt. And always living in the downs, we would just be extremely angry all the time, resentful if not taking our own life.

Thanks to the ups, we enjoy the present moments and thanks to the downs, we make ourselves stronger, tougher by doing the necessary inner work. Ask ourselves the proper questions to initiate self-growth.

“Adversity introduce a man/woman to her/himself.”

If we always live great moments, how do we know how strong we are? How do we know who we truly are and what we could be doing if we never know some hard times? They are there to help us grow, help us understand who we are deep down. It’s really easy to be happy in holidays or just within a comfortable life. But when adversity shows up, like depression, we have no other choice than to make the appropriate work and efforts to fight back and win the battle.

I have complained so much when I was down, blaming the entire world for my misery. But is that really the person I wanted to be for the rest of my life? Is that the person you really to be? At some point, we have to get out of bed and do the work. It is by doing a little bit every day, a little bit more than yesterday that tomorrow will be brighter.

Don’t you want to know to know how strong you are? Don’t you want to see how capable you are when you feel like nothing is going well?

After each storm comes the sun and that’s not just a way to make you happy and keep on reading but because it is truly the case.

We have to get past the storm, we have to go through it. Waiting for it to be over or going around it, DO NOT WORK! Waiting for it to pass will just make it longer and harder to handle. Going around it, will just make you happy for a short period of time and when the storm is back, because it will be back if don’t deal with it, well, you won’t be able to deal with it the next time. You will never be ready for the next one, and the next, and the next…

Whereas, if you roll up your sleeves and face it, you will learn that you are so much stronger than what you thought. You will develop some technics, get yourself some tools and that self-growth will make you tougher than you were before. Next time, you will already have strong foundations and much more resources at your disposal to win again.

I am really not saying all that because I want to look strong or tough. I was in depression that lasted around 5 years, straight. Got myself back up, mainly with sport and taking some radical decisions to turn my life around but then, 2 years later, which is about 3 months ago, I started to feel the depression stroking my shoulder, gently, quietly, waiting for me to fall again. I was back again in my bed, not wanting to do anything other than sleeping and watching movies. Even movies were making feel bad because most of them reminded of a part of my life and I was feeling even downer than before…what a shit show!

But after few days and recognising the pattern, I decided that NO, I couldn’t be back there again. I was able to get back up last time, why couldn’t I use the same tools to help. And so I did. Started to go for my morning walk&run, working out almost every day, meditating more. That was the first step.

Then, I started to see what I could be adding on top of that to strengthen and consolidate the whole thing. So I added Yoga, once a week for now, working more outside than remaining all day long in my room working on my desk. Allowed myself a drink with friends only once a week, save more money (I’ll do an article about that from a book I have been reading lately which I believe, everyone should read, once a year).

The last thing I have implemented, which I am sure will make you laugh, a looooot but here it is. I have decided to stop dating. Totally!! Since I am 14 I have been dating a lot. I spent so much time doing that, either when I was single by having lots of fun or when I was sharing my life with someone by focusing my thought and time on that person. Oh no, I don’t regret anything, at all. I have lived some very beautiful moments and learnt a lot. I just think that now, I have so much inner work to do that I should focus all my time on myself. Become the best version I can be and because I have faith in the process, I know that life/universe/god will grant me the matching soul when the time will be right.

I have met someone in end of 2016 after the breakup of my 8 years’ relationship, only 5 months after it ended, when I was not ready at all…and obviously screwed up. It was the most beautiful person I have ever met. Physically but also on the inside. She had and still has everything for herself. I don’t want to fu** it all again because I know it will happen again.

Life is made in a way to send you back into some patterns to teach you some lessons and if you don’t recognise them and learn, you will be living the same things over and over again.

So next time, I want to be ready! Ready to welcome that beautiful soul that will share a part of my life. Other few months, few years or the rest of my life. It does not matter how long, I will be enjoying every single second of it. Giving her my whole, not leaving any piece on the side for myself. So I won’t regret anything. If I am not enough, or too much, well that means we are not the one for each other and we won’t have any hard feelings. It will just be life.

Today, because I can’t say that I am totally safe and sound from depression, I do two main things when I don’t feel good: first, I tell myself straightaway that I can’t always have great days and that it’s absolutely normal to feel sad or just not happy. Believe me, after some time training my brain to think that way, I don’t feel as sad as I used to. Second, I do something that makes me feel happier but also useful for my recovery. For instance, watching movies won’t really bring anything so, I start writing. Writing some random stuff about things spinning around in my mind or other things that I can post on my blog. Put myself some nice musics in my ears and let’s go!



You are in control


You are in control

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