You are in control

Dear younger me

This is a subject a bit different than what I am use to write about but a few weeks ago, I have heard that sentence in a podcast I am listening to from time to time and it kind of resonated within me. I have written quite a lot about the mind set I am desperately pushing into myself for months now and I know I have already walked a lot down that rabbit hole, and believe me, I am proud of myself for finding the strength and the discipline to do so. But today, I thought it would be more than useful or even necessary that I write a letter to my past selves, to my younger me so I can thank them. Yes, I am saying them because I realise that there were and are so many me along my life that I have to talk to several persons and not only a single self.

If we are focused on becoming a better version of ourselves every single day and succeeding in getting better all those days, weeks, months and years, we are simply creating a new version of ourselves on a daily basis.

So here it is.

“Dear younger me,

It is me, your 33 years old future self. I know you have absolutely no idea who I am expect that I might look like you but you just couldn’t grasp your mind around the person that you became after all that time.

Being honest, even myself, I don’t where here you are right now but one thing is sure is that I know you are lost and not caring about the future. You make plans, you think you have all the answers and that your life might be “un long fleuve tranquille” but believe me, things are about to change in the biggest way you could ever imagine.

We have made so many mistakes along the way, took the wrong turn, followed the false people, believed the wrong thoughts, got so attached to volatile principles, made some bad decisions but you know what my dear friend, all those things were real blessings because they were necessary to create the person we are today. I wouldn’t change a single thing because they were mandatory for you to, one day, understand that you couldn’t keep on doing and thinking as you always had and at some point, you realised that you had to proceed to some massive changes in your life. And with those lines, we are heading exactly towards why I am writing to you.

You were afraid, and I mean really, really scared when you awakened onto what was your life and even if you were full of fears, you decided to take actions and you went all in. I won’t be telling you what you did, because you know, I don’t want to spoil you and maybe if I tell you everything, you will start thinking that it will happen anyway and you won’t be doing the work but what I can tell you is, you will start putting yourself in position so you can and will get what you need. Not what you want, but really what you need. It might sound confusing but those are two really different concepts. The funny part about it is that we just didn’t know what we’d need and the path you are about to go through and that I am walking along every day is just so different than what we always thought. It will just show us all the things that we are truly missing.

Dear younger me, this won’t be an easy thing, believe me. You will suffer like you never did. The pain will almost be unbearable and I can’t even tell you when it will stop because the more I move forwards, the more I am suffering but I also understand and have that strong feeling that one day, all that will stop to let room to an amazing view when we will have reach the top of that mountain. You know, we really better enjoy the view when we have suffered to reach the spot rather than just being brought there. Easy things never last.

Very soon, you will be confronted to that mountain. You will be at the very bottom, you will look up and you will just see the impossible journey you are about to go on and through. You won’t even be able to see the top. Actually, you will even wonder if there is a top to reach. I can’t answer that question because being honesty with you, I have no idea. I still don’t see it and I probably won’t see it until I reach it. The way is just full of fog, the weather is always kind of stormy but again, something I start to grasp is that pain, is one of best teacher we could ever encounter. Because in pain, we are discovering a new self, a stronger self we just didn’t know was there. Waiting deep down within us. And in pain, we simply never forget the lesson.

Dear younger me, I love you and there is one thing I can promise you is that, soon enough, you will also start loving yourself. It won’t happen overnight and you will have to do a lot of inner work, built a real discipline, remain consistent and persistent but again, one thing I can assure you is that, at some point on your path, you will be hit so hard by life and your past (that most of it is still to be lived for you) that you will find the strength to proceed to a massive change.

My love, that is our path, the only road we had to walk on. I know you are terribly suffering being you. That anxiousness eating you up from the inside, not knowing who you really are and I realise that this is mostly my fault because I never pushed you to discover those deepest part of yourself, to heal from past traumas, not trying creating a better self with a real plan. I have gone so much with the flow of life and I am deeply apologising for not supporting you the way I should have. Just writing those words is bringing me tears. Funny enough, I think they are tears of joy and sadness. I am deeply sad for not doing the work earlier but I am also really happy I finally went through part of the storm. Yes, part of the storm, because you will realise that for each new level you reach, for each new ceiling you walk on, you end up at the bottom of that new ground and have to work harder, push further to climb higher. Yes, it sounds super scary, because you realise that it simply never ends and believe me, I was really scared and still am. But our mind-set changed so much along the way that we are getting comfortable in our discomfort.

I know you might have some difficulties understanding what I mean by that and it is totally fine, you are in the beginning of a very long process. Everything will unravel, will unfold and put into place bit by bit so don’t rush my friend.

I want you to remember one thing, Life is beautiful, sincerely, we simply never said it was easy.

Dear younger me, you are loved and you will love more than you think. Stay strong and keep going, the best it yet to come.

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