Something that most of us is really scared of.
Being alone. Being lonely.
But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
I have always been scared being lonely, not being part of a group, not being accepted by others so I have adapted to fit in and while I was doing that, I was creating a self that would be suitable to others so if we really think about it, I was taking a road lined by people and not trying to build and take my own path. When I look back, I realise that I have changed so much because of those decisions and I am not really sure I changed in good.
I have always been scared to take a step back so I can really work on myself. You know, like removing myself from the world and spending all my time to fix all my traumas, all my inner issues, create a better self by working on the things that really matter to me.
Few months ago, I decided to take a real step back without realising what I was doing. I have never been so scared and lost of my entire life. I was in a foreign country and took a flight back to France to my parents’ and while sitting in the plane, I was writing on the fact that I didn’t know the person I had become. I was writing about that alter ego I created for myself so I can manoeuver into our modern world.
Once I arrived at my parents’, I just wanted to cry, lie down in my bed and hide below my quilt for an unlimited time. I wanted everything to stop. Not the kind of thoughts and moments we appreciate going through.
But after few days, I realised I was alone, and not lonely.
I was alone and I had the opportunity to finally work on myself. Deeply. Sincerely.
So, I first asked myself what are the things that I could control, that would make me feel better now but that would also help me improve myself. And the main thing was sport because that something I have practices almost all my life, at quite a high level when I was young and that I have lost with time because life was just taking over.
I asked myself what are the things I do on a regular basis that are always making me feel empty, the things that I am really scared of, the things that do not empower me and the things that make me waste my time. That time I have been allocated on this hearth, in this life. Because time, is literally the most precious thing we have.
When I had my answers, I started to remove them little by little and replacing them with those things that are helping me to build a stronger self.
Every day was a battle, and still is to this day, because my old self was and is trying to pull me back down into my old habits, my old patters because they are comfortable. Our brain is wired this way. To always avoid discomfort because this is a safe place and doing things that are unsafe can be dangerous. So I have to fight, every single minute, to not get back to that dark place I once was.
But what’s funny is that, because I was in that dark place, I have asked myself the right questions, the ones we tend to avoid most of our lives, and I found some answers. Because I was in that dark place, I was really facing adversity and that’s where I discovered a strong self. A self that was ready to fight back, build a life I would be proud of one day, stand back up and start moving forward again.
I would have never discovered that about myself if I didn’t go through darkness, if I didn’t take that step back and take advantage of that alone time.
Today, I have to admit that I really enjoy my alone time because I can accomplish so much things. I don’t get distracted by the outside wold, I don’t get polluted by others “advices” on what I should be doing and how I should be doing it, I have quietness, peacefulness around me. I can hear my thoughts, take time to understand what they really mean.
So much things have changed in a matter of 3 months.
I am not chasing others’ approvals, I am not seeking much company just for the sake of being with people and look cool because I am part of a group. I am seeing some friends that really matter to me, enjoying more quality time with them and my family. I am not in a rush to see lots of friends and that is giving me so much more time for myself. It is just amazing.
A funny thing, that might make you laugh or smile, but I have always wanted to have a muscular body. I have always been that chubby kid and surrounded by fit friends which made feel quite uncomfortable. I have been working out seriously for the past 2 years, lost lots of weights and started to get fitter but still very far from where I want to be. During the last 3 months, because I was taking advantage of my alone time, I increased the intensity of my workouts and some friends join me for a dinner the other day. We enjoyed some time in the pool and they saw me without my shirt…they were all amazed of my progresses. But Like, really shocked. That is not what I was chasing because I really do that for myself, to feel better in my body because I know it will make me feel better in my head, feeling more confident. What I wanted to highlight here is that I was also shocked of the progresses I have made in such a short period of time by seeing the look of my friends. I was really proud of me for not giving up once more.
It showed me that I can use the same mind-set for everything I want to accomplish. I knew that already but with what happened with my friends just reinforced my beliefs and the more we believe in something, the more we become that very belief.
My friend, I couldn’t recommend you enough that you take some alone time. I know it can sound scary because, yes, for some time, you will indeed be alone. I wanted to write “feel alone” but changed it because that is really not how I feel. I don’t feel alone. I am being alone. The difference is tremendous. Anyway, if you allow yourself that alone time and really take advantage of it to work on yourself, you will start doing the things that matter to you and you will end up having a much better life. A life you might have been dreaming of for a while.
I hope I have been able to inspire you on that road, that I have been clear enough so you understood all the good and important our alone time is if we want to grow, to become a better version of ourselves.
I am ending this article with a quote that I love: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
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