This morning, when I going for my early run, as usual I was listening to some inspirational speakers and one said “disappear for some time, disappear for 3 months, for 6 months, for one year, and focus on yourself and yourself only. You will see who you can become”.
This really resonated within me.
I have thought about leaving everything behind and go in a place like Tibet or Amazonia to be as far as possible from the modern world. Join a community of monks and meditate for some time. To find the answers I am looking for about myself.
While I was still running, I have realised that this is exactly what I am doing right now. A bit more than 2 months ago, I was in another country, where I have built myself a lovely environment. I have met amazing persons and friends. I felt loved but I was so empty. I was mostly living day by day, not having any plans in mind. I wasn’t using my potential at all. So I left and went back to my parents in France. I was really crushed. Crushed internally because even if the environment I created for myself from scratch was amazing, I was feeling so empty on the inside.
Once I opened the door of my childhood home, I felt all the negativity coming up, the depression filling my body and mind. I was barely able to breath. I have been crying for days, trying to fake that I was still standing up in front of my parents because I didn’t want to make them worried. My bipolarity didn’t really help there.
I was already listening to some very great motivational and inspirational speakers and I remembered that adversity introduces a man/woman to him/herself. This was another moment, if not the very moment, that I could prove to myself that I am much stronger than what I have always believed about myself.
So I started taking the first step. I have deeply thought about what would help me feel more confident, some things that could do to get out of my darkness. Not that darkness is bad, because this is from where I have started to really ask myself the right questions. Darkness is necessary and I would even say mandatory if we want to become a better version or ourselves. But we can’t remain in the darkness forever. It is just a kick so we can find the light.
I started to remove things that no longer served me and even remove other things that I thought I should be sacrificing so I can really focus on myself.
For me it was, going out for drinks with my friends that were still in my hometown. Stop dating. Yes, this one is funny, but that was one of my main…distractions. Sex is amazing and it really help to have some fun, entertain our desires but I realised I spent so much time dating and having sex that I decided to use all that time and energy for something with real meaning. One-night stand/sex-friend is fun when we are young but I was fed up of this lack of connection and all that wasted energy.
I totally stop smoking cannabis which I was doing since I was 13. So this has also removed all those empty moments where I was only binge watching movies and series. Furthermore, I was less lazy doing stuff.
So, by just removing drinks with friends, sex and smoking pot, I was gaining soooooo much time on a daily basis.
Just for fun, let’s make a quick calculation. On a week time, I was spending about 12 hours with my friends (average). I was seeing at least one or two partners (drinks, chat, sex, texting, getting ready, etc.) so let’s say that was about another 12 hours. Smoking, being lazy and watching stuff, at least a good 35h. Just with those three things, I gained 59 hours of time to do something else, something with real meaning, every single week. This is almost 2 and a half whole days.
Oh man! I never calculated it and now that I did, I am simply astonished.
It’s been two months I am doing that and I have been able to do so much things to help myself to grow, to become a better version of myself than I was just few months ago…running, walking, fitness and bodybuilding, meditation, yoga, writing, reading, better sleep, etc. This is now part of my routine.
Don’t think that to change the person you are now could take years or decades. See, in a matter of 8-9 weeks I have been able to deeply change. I can’t encourage you enough to do the same for you. Make a commitment to yourself.
I really know that at the beginning, disappearing for few months can sound really scary. We have hard days and we just want to enjoy some fun time after work, during the weekends, taking some holidays…But all that is just comfort seeking and it is only temporary. You will have to get back into the hard life again. While if you decide to create yourself a real hard time, longer than usual, deeply working on yourself you will come out of it like a real warrior and totally new person. A person that you will love and the next hard times will look so soft and easy that you will never feel the same.
My friends, build the foundations now for yourself in 10 years.
I actually have a post-it in my room with that sentence written on it so I can see it every time I get up and every time I am going to bed. I have to admit that it also helps every time I feel like going to bed during the day just to chill. It’s like a slap in the face to remind me that I could be doing a little bit more. Even it’s only one hour. It’s one hour that I have been using to build something bigger, added up to an hour the day before, and the day before…
Just imagine the person you could be in 5 or 10 years from now and start doing the little daily things that will help you get there. YOU GOT IT MY FRIEND.
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