holistikissim

You are in control

Make friends with people who wants the best for you.

Hehe, another thing I have heard from “Sir” Jordan Peterson. Yeah, I know. I might look like a real fan and well, I think I am. He’s just putting words on lots of things that I have been thinking about for a while.

This man is just so clever and has collected so much knowledge during his career, experience and readings, that he can simply explain what most of us have in mind but can’t articulate.

I just love the “make friends with the people who wants the best for you” because this includes yourself. Yes, yourself my friend!

The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so why not being the best friends you will ever have. I guess this all starts by spending more time alone and enjoying it. Not an easy thing to do but the more you will try, the better it will be.

I met a person early this year. A woman, and I think we can say that we had an instant crush towards each other. We were supposed to meet only for a brunch, first date, and ended up spending the entire day and night together (without sex). The next day was almost like that as well. We simply realised we were the opposite sex version of each other. It didn’t go further because we were both in a weird place in our minds and we decided to stop talking for a while so we can focus on ourselves. We know that the universe will bring us back to each other, either as friends or more, when the time will be right. Anyway, she called me few days ago and the next day. She told me that she was feeling great but also very bad. She was feeling great because she met amazing person and was feeling really loved but she was also feeling really bad because she knew she had so much within to offer to the world. That she has a real gift the world could take advantage of.

No, I am not talking about something extraordinary that would change the entire world (well, maybe it is), but she felt like she could be doing more. She told me that she is partying, and going out, getting drunk, which is totally fine, nothing wrong with it, but the thing that really made me tilt is that she said she is very sociable and can’t really stand being by herself. This feeling always pushes her to meet new people, meeting her friends, going out. It straightaway reminded me of myself always trying to socialise and please people. Because we want to feel loved. Because we want to be part of group.

I think, by doing so, we are wasting a huge amount of our energy which could be used to better ourselves, by being the best version of ourselves, which, ultimately, would attract the right person toward us. So we have to spend so much energy to attract, just people. This won’t have an immediate response but will have a huge impact on our future self.

I don’t know if that is clear or if I make sense, but while I am writing those words, it is like I had a real revelation. I am doing that exact work but writing it just convinced me that I was on the right path and that I should intensify my efforts.

When we are young, we just want to have as many friends as possible and what we quickly forget is that most of them do not even care about us, and worst, they expect to do much better than us. Like an untold contest. And if they are not succeeding, they expect us to do much worse than what they are doing.

Why would we want people like that around us?

That is all the point of my post. With time, I think we all understand how important it is to narrow down our friend circle to increase its quality. But I also think that, because by growing up, we have much less friendly interactions, and I mean meeting people we could be friend with, that we keep some people around that are not really good to ourselves. Just because we are still part of a group and we think that we will never be able to integrate a new one.

So, in a way, by doing our best to be our own best friend, we would ultimately make friends with the people that only want the best for ourselves.

There is a really simple way to determine if people around you is your friend, and I mean a real friend:

  • You tell them bad news and they listen. They won’t try to tell you that something worse happened to them.
  • You tell them good news and they will help you celebrate. Simply celebrate.

Other than that, get away from people who are not doing that. I am not inventing anything here. It is, again, something that J.Peterson explains very well and that I have been thinking for a while. I didn’t lie, this man managed to put words on the best things we have within but can’t explain.

The funny thing is that, you can also see if you are being a good friend to other people. Actually, the very first thing I have thought about when Dr. Peterson explained that is: how do I react when my friends are telling bad or good news? And you, how do you react?

About myself, I know that when a real friend is telling me a good news, I am celebrating. I start planning a real party or dinner so that friend will be the star of the night. But when someone is telling me a bad news, I am not telling him/her that something worse happened to me but I tend to compare it to something similar that happened to me so I can bring advises on how to react and also to comfort. So I listen, but also say something about myself so maybe there is room for improvements.

I know I am not bringing the conversation towards myself because I want attention but because I try to understand by comparing to my own experience so I can easily relate and maybe provide advises. But I think I am lacking a bit of compassion and that I should simply listen.

I think it’s because I am convinced that I should answer something interesting while sometimes just listening might be just enough. Listening might just be the right answer.

If I was perfect, I wouldn’t be writing here. I would already be in my lab creating a brand new race of human beings 😛

Look at your friend circle. Pay close attention to them and see if they are true friends. Once you found those who really are, then ask yourself if you are being a great friend for them as well.

This is brought to you by kindness, altruism, love and caring.

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