I have heard that fear isn’t real, that it isn’t a real thing, that it is a human construct only living in our minds…so I have tried to ignore it as much as I could. I tried to silence it down with all my strengths like it was just that negative voice in my head I didn’t want to listen to. I thought it was there because I didn’t believe in myself enough. Because I was too negative. How wrong I was my friends!!!
Fear! Fear is indeed one of the best motivational killer but also one of the best success inhibitor.
I have lived in fear most of my life and until few weeks/months ago, it was a real killer. I have given up on so many stuff because I was paralysed by it. Every single time I was thinking about a business idea, something I knew could be one of the next big things, in a matter of minutes, I was already imagining all the barriers, all the obstacles and problems I will encounter…I told myself, that will just be impossible because I don’t have the skills, the knowledge, it’s going to be too difficult.
The fear of failing was just too big for me to take the first step. Same went for my fear of curing myself from depression and addiction.
What if I don’t succeed to go through it? What if I don’t succeed in healing myself from drugs? How will I feel if I fail again? What if I succeed curing myself but I realise I still don’t do anything after that? What if all my problems were just not excuses but I was my own excuses?
When I was depressed and a junky, I thought this is what was holding me back but what if after getting back up, I realise I still can’t go after my dreams?
I was so afraid of realising that maybe I wasn’t that special, and it has held me back almost my entire life.
Now, I don’t see fear the same way.
Fear is real but it is definitely not just a killer but also a great inhibitor to be the creator. The creator of a great life. The creator of my own life script, your own life script.
I just shifted my fear from I can’t do it, it’s too much of a risk, to if I don’t do it I will never get there. Now I am in fear of not succeeding the way I want. I am in fear of not accomplishing my dreams. I am in fear of not reaching my goals and objectives.
I am using the fear I always had in me but placed it on another aspect of my life. Instead of having it like an anchor that was restraining me from moving forward, I have it behind me to push me forward. Like a fire under my butt that if I sit, I will get burnt. Like a wolf patiently following me that if I stop moving forward, it will devour me.
Now, not only I started taking many steps forwards, but I also started to enjoy the whole process. I have absolutely no idea where all the things I do will take me. Maybe nowhere, maybe towards many great places but I am having so much fun by trying so wherever all that will take me, I will be so proud for doing and not waiting. I won’t have any regrets for trying. Don’t you want to feel the same?
“Being courageous isn’t being fearless, being courageous is being fearful but doing it anyway!”.
I believe that life/universe/god/higher consciousness, call it the way you want and like, loves courage and will reward the courageous ones because they are facing their fears, because they are doing and not waiting. It will send us what we need and want because we are going for it.
Identify where your fears are, and move them to another place so they push you to move towards the right direction.
I have done a funny exercise with a psychologist not long ago. Something we all have done in our youth. Placing big rocks, small gravels, sand and water in a bucket. I summarise it quite grossly but here it is. If you place them in a wrong order, you won’t be able to put everything in. How would you do it? Think about it for few minutes and when you’re ready, read the rest of the post.
So, here is the answer. You first place the big rocks, then the gravels, then the sand and then the water. It is the same for your life. The big rocks are what is most valuable for you, then comes the gravels, then send and finally the water.
For me, the big rocks are my health and my career. Then the gravels are the relationships I develop with my friends, family and anyone I encounter, the love I can share and memories I create (I am single and have no kids so yep, it comes in second place). In third, for the sand, it is traveling and discovering more of the world. Finally, the water corresponds to all the little bonus I want to add into my life like parties, comfort, etc.
This represents everything you care about and placed in a specific order. It is not because water is in last place that you don’t care about, not at all. It is just the last level of your focus but you still really care about it.
We are all different so there are no wrong answers on how you rank your priorities and what’s great about it is that we can do this exercise quite often as we evolve and our priorities change with time. For instance, when I’ll meet someone, fall in love and decide to have kids, my priorities will surely change and will redo this exercise again.
What I wanted to express with that is, understand what your priorities are and use the fear you have to not reaching the goals you set up for each priority to empower you and create the life you want for yourself.
I don’t know if I have been really explicit and clear enough. What can I say, I am a real beginner in writing but I am fighting my fear of looking like an idiot which pushes me to be a better writer 😛
One step at a time, one day at a time my friend!
This is brought to you by kindness, altruism, love and caring.