I had this subject for a while on my desk.
Many things can be said about it but I didn’t want to remain to generic as we have heard this so many times: “Failing hurts and you could never get back up from it” – “Do things that are within your comfort zone, it avoids you to fail” and blablabla…and blablabla…
In France, which is my native country, failing is not seen as a good thing. It means that you were not good enough which is, in part, true, but we see failing people as just failure. We see failure as the worst thing that can happen to us. It is, if we don’t learn anything from it.
When I started my healing and self-growth journey, I understand that failing has much bigger aspects: “failing is part of the process” – “if you don’t try anything, that’s why you are not failing” – “failing hurts, a lot, but is necessary to success” – “when you fail and get back up and get stronger, smarter”, etc…
I believe I was thinking it was just some bulls***s. Maybe because I didn’t fail enough, maybe because I never really had to get back up, maybe because I didn’t experience real failure or didn’t really integrate the ones I lived. I didn’t believe this to be true to my bones, to my core.
Now, everything changed and the beauty of it is, it all came from within and not from some sort of miracle. This means YOU CAN DO IT as well! It is all within you.
I have rewired my brain, my way of thinking and understand that all of what I said above is simply true. Failing hurts, really hurts, but this is because you are hurt that you don’t want to live the same thing all over again. So we learn, we get better, we get tougher and stronger so when a similar situation comes up, we are much more ready to face it. Maybe we’ll fail again but the failure won’t be same and we’ll be learning new lessons.
Before, I used to think that successful people was a different kind of breed. Well, they are in a way, because they are able to fail and fail some more and will always be getting back up and move forward. But before, I used to think that they were just way too clever, lucky and sooooo hard working that 99% of us just can’t do it. That was just so wrong to think that.
First, because I was telling my mind and spirit that I would never be capable of doing it. So I was convincing myself that this will never even happen to me.
Second, because it is simply not true. They have learnt to be that way. They have learnt from a very various type of situations but what is important is they have learnt it. They taught themselves to be that way. No no no my friends, they didn’t have it in them from the beginning. We are all born from a totally blank page and at some point, they have learnt what they know now, and so do you. Every single actions you took in your life, brought you where you are right now. Reading my post and trying to be better, to grow and going after your dreams.
I know and really understand that life is hard, and if you are not in a good place in your head right now, my words can seem really light and generic but the great news is, you are reading this because you want to get better and making that step. This proves that you are ready to do better for yourself. It took me some time to understand that while I was on the ascending slope of my depression and addictions. So I am telling it to you. You are definitely on the right path my friend!
I used to blame myself all the times, mainly because I was setting up impossible goals for the time frame. When I was feeling a bit better in my head, I was already in search of being a millionaire in few weeks. Having a thriving business that could almost run by itself…you see the drill! What an idiot I was to think that way. But now, I forgive myself for being so ignorant.
I think I was thinking that way because I was comparing myself to successful people, all, the, freaking, time!!! But we never know what is behind the curtain. Those persons have failed their way to success but we never see it. We just see the big houses, fancy cars, beautiful clothes and amazing views from their massive terraces.
My friend, they have failed more than anyone else. They have failed and got back up with a new action plan and with the same goal, objective and dream in mind.
I am going to take one main example from my personal experience that I have used in previous posts: I have failed so much trying to cure from my addictions. I have tried to stop using drugs and mainly Cocaine, as that was the major problems, so many times, for years and years and every time my consumption was worse than before. I was failing, and failing and even worst, I was failing and getting back at it with a heavier use. So trying to stop and failing wasn’t getting me back to square 0 but to square -1, and then -2, and -3 and so on. It was a real nightmare.
But I kept on trying and now I AM FREE! Do you understand that? I have freed myself from one of my biggest (if not the biggest) inner demons.
Well, not really free because it will be a lifetime battle but I don’t use anymore. Do you realise that I have never known myself without drugs since I was 13…13??? I have grown up, through teenage hood and my entire start of my adult life (up to 32) with drugs and never had a break. When I think about it that way, it scares me but also fills me with so much pride. As I was capable to change that, I know I can accomplish anything. I am discovering a new me, a full me and not a me diminished by external substances.
Now, I think I understand why successful people keeps on saying that they love failing. It is part of the process and is a precursor for success. Because they adapt, they adjust and thanks to that, they just become a better version of themselves.
One last thing I would like to add is a sentence that I have heard a lot in a music I used to listen to younger but which I never payed attention to: “You can fail at what you don’t want”.
Whatever happens in your life, you have to have a job and do things so you can survive. If you don’t try to do things that you like and empower yourself, you will be doing things that you don’t want to do. You will be much less motivated to do those and the hard truth is you will most certainly fail. I have been in that situation and trust me that it is much harder for the mind to fail at something you don’t want than at what you really want. Seems weird or even paradoxical because failing at what you want, makes us feel really sad. But usually we get back up and try again while, failing at what we don’t want, ultimately, we feel really sh**. Things we don’t want are most of the time easy things to get and failing at getting something easy, makes us think we are just useless and worthless.
My friend, if you really want something, YOU CAN GET IT! Go after your dreams! Reach your objectives! Be serious when you are going after them and set up your life so everything around you is pushing you towards your aims.
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